When someone starts telling me how I drink too much coffee
today was special
because i woke up pretty sad. and kind of alone but ended up being a really great day. i think that fear is one of the most difficult battles to fight, and sometimes i lose, sometimes, i win. i a lot of times choose not to do things and district myself from achieving my goals because i am afraid of failing, or that glimpse of possibility that i can’t reach the high expectation i somehow for no reason set for myself. why? i don’t know. but it’s easy to see now that i am my own biggest obstruction. i have to fight myself to get past this point of meager, mundane, nothingness. i am not saying i am not consent. i am absolutely content. but i can’t live myself like status quo, that’s not living, that is just being. so this is just to remind myself really quickly because my laptop battery is about to die that i am not going to be afraid anymore. all the pain and hurt, the bad memories and things that make me wanna throw up and crawl into a rat hole are just growing pains that i should learn from but that is the whole point. they aren’t deadly poisons. they are just there to make me wiser and stronger as a person. thus, that is exactly how i will see. i won’t be afraid anymore. i am going to do. i can. and i will.
Let me talk some shit
So here is a list of shit that I have a difficult time tolerating about my own damn motherland:
1) Older women on the verge of menopause pushing and elbowing people at subway stations and cutting lines like vicious animals. A majority of which also fashion horrendous perm from what generation I dont even know.
2) Older men who reek of fermented cabbage (kimchi) fused with alcohol (mostly soju) in the morning on their way to work, and after work on their way home after getting completely wasted at some shady night clubs/escort bar/booking places drinking with young desperate semi-average looking females
3) People in general who accidentally or intentionally push people to get somewhere and don’t even have the manner to say sorry. It only takes a half a second to apologize for your cheap, classless demeanor that you are systemed to think otherwise okay because everyone else does it.
4) Unemployed 20’s who can’t find a job so they bug their parents for money to go to Starbucks and waste time
5) Parents who let their children rot in school and private tutoring instead of encouraging them to play outside, seek their passion, and be carefree
6) Taxi drivers who refuse to drive you because your live too close or too far or just because they don’t want to- basically monopolizing their business by screwing over the customers
7) Public prosecutors who fuck their witnesses and alibis because they are high off their fucking ass thinking their some big shot.
8) Job applications that ask you for your dad’s hometown address, your eyesight, weight, and your sibling’s occupation and position (because somehow that’s relevant to your professional skills and experiences)
9) College professors that sign off on their students’ recommendations for grad schools or phD programs because they are too lazy to actually write their own honest opinion of their own students that they taught.
10) Students who proudly write their own recommendations
11) Everyone that thinks the above #9 and #10 are NORMAL things to do
12) People’s obsession with Seoul National University
13) People waiting in line to go into designer brand stores, namely, Prada and LV, both of which are so popular for their handbags that it’s harder for me to spot a person who doesn’t own one. Fake or authentic, that I cannot tell from far but if you are wearing a 30 dollar pair of faux leather boots, I am going to go with the former.
14) Women who wear circle lenses to make their eyes appear bigger
15) Women who want big breasts, and by big they mean a B cup
To be continued.
Disclaimer: Don’t hate me, or do hate me. I am actually too sleepy to write a real disclaimer but I think it’s safe to say… these are just my opinions. I am sure many people live happily ever after in Korea.
Alas! 2012 is ending very soon and there are some of my reflections:
1) Traveling is my quintessential reason for wishing to live a long, healthy life. Hopefully some day with a person I love.
2) Family…. No matter what, I will stick by them and be true to them.
3) Friends, with so many living so far away from me, it has been really impossible to keep in touch with every single one but I am so lucky and grateful to have them in my life. Really… I am so fucking happy to call them my friends.
4) Work is not your goal, or a dream, or a lifetime of success. If you make work your priority, you will miss out on more beautiful things in life.
5) Coffee should be a religion because I fully and unconditionally believe in its magic. Fuse it with sugar and I am on cloud 9!
6) Vitamin D is essential! Go outside and enjoy the sun whenever you can
7) For whatever reason(s) I have been afraid to love fully, trust wholeheartedly and just be able to let go of my past fears of being in a committed relationship. In 2013, I am not going to be afraid anymore, I will not hold back my emotions for safety, and I will take risks just like I do with other aspects of life. Otherwise I am a hypocrite for having double standards. Its been really easy to blame others and not take any ownership of my own wrong doings. Well, I think I am old enough now to cut that bullshit out.
8) I will return to the USA next year
9) Being happy, truly brings out the best in all of us, no matter what where or how we do things. Thats why I think meeting new friends while traveling, with that one thing in common, its so easy and natural to connect. I honestly cant think of a better gift than the gift of lifetime long friendship. For me, living by the beach is the most special yet simple yet perfect way to enjoy life.
10) I am glad I kept the promises I made to myself. I learned to love myself, believe my instincts, and find my place in the world without getting swayed by other peoples opinions. So now, I can be me.